MEL@NE$I@N ME

Finding m

2011-12-17T04:25:00.000-08:00

I am not ME

2008-12-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

Hello WORLD! Its been awhile since I've written in my blog, funny though, don't know why?! So much has happened since my last post. I had muchness to write about... but, but, but...(sigh). All that venting I wanted to do....gone! All that anger I wanted to release...gone! All that sadness consuming me...gone! What is left is a new beginning. A beginning that should have started so so many years ago.

So I write this as the old me, who became the pathetic me, and is reverting back to the original me! ..doesn't make any sense? I know!! Just understand I am a new person; metaphorically I have become a BETTER me. Its amazing how a life change can make you come to that realization. That single(slap in the face) second, where you shake your head in bewilderment, and say to yourself, 'who the f&%k is this person'.

I took a step back, and looked at me...WOW! the person I saw didn't even resemble your gurl. I saw a person who had settled for less. A person who had made so many compromises, her whole life was a compromise. Not a single thing about her reflected those passions that use to burn so deep they would resonate adrenalin energy...like a hunter waiting for its prey...GONE!!!

In its place was an empty void, a functional void no less, deprived from the very source of its uniqueness. I had become comfortable in a situation that was depressing my spirit and consuming my person. This was not, what was foreseen, this was an accident of nature.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! My oppressor you have set me FREE!! YES, you hurt, betrayed and manipulated me. YES, you destroyed all that we built together... I cried bitterly, I screamed angrily and I worried and stressed.NO, you gave no comfort and you gave no joy. BUT, despite what you did, you gave me something priceless, you gave me back "ME".

WELCOME BACK MEL@NE$I@N ME......

Deceitful Web

2008-06-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

How can I justify
This web that I have weaved.
From dawn to dusk
It gets twisted
Tighter and so elaborate.
Its pattern now distinct
The picture of my fantasy.

Too deep in illusion
So far from existence.
I am the creator
Of this merry wonderment.
My artistic creativity
Designed for perfection.
Yes! The fulfillment of my vision.

My imagination the pattern
You, my inspiration.
Together we designed
The ideal forever after.
Woven in perfect strokes
With only a single thread
The dream capture of Love.

But now my conscious defies
It screams the painful truth.
Deceit will slowly destroy
Unraveling the secrets weaved.
One by one they falter
Erasing all my inventions.
Oh No! My intricate web redeemed.

© 2008 islandDIVA

From B-Boy to Wu-tang

2008-05-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

So for a minute my l'il man was B-Boy Baby but hes moved on. You see he's grown now, and thinks a 2 year old can handle the complexity of party music; a man's gotta kick it with the times.

the wu-tang, thats how we do...yeah babe, Represent the D town!

Dr Sugar Ray Presents...

2008-05-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

.:. I borrowed this frm Dr. Sugar Ray. One of the funniest guys around, his freestyle work is one of a kind! .:.

I think this is hilarious......

Here’s what ANY and EVERY MALE ( of any age, at any age ) will get from me whenever they so much as LOOK in tha’ general direction of either of my girls..

THEY { boys } don’t have to like it….however I like it !! And since I’M DAD, what I SAY GOES !! It’s THAT simple !!

Dr. Sugar Ray { Dad } Presents:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: __________________________________________________- ___________
__________________________________________________- ___________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________- __________________

__________________________________________________- __________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________- ____________

__________________________________________________- ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

__________________________________________________- ____________

__________________________________________________- ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________- ____________

__________________________________________________- ____________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __________________________________________________- _

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

__________________________________________________- ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________- ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__________________________________________________- ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

__________________________________________________- ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

__________________________________________________- ____________

__________________________________________________- ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________- ____________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________________- _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since
you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating….AGAIN !!

Yeah, I know that these were presented once befo’..
..I’m presentin’ ‘em again !!

Get tha’ f-ck OVER IT !!

If ya’ wanna’ entertain any THOUGHT of a POSSIBILITY of MAYBE havin’ a PRAYER of a slight CHANCE of bein’ able to even HOPE to get through ME in order to be even REMOTELY CONSIDERED to be in tha’ RUNNIN’ for a DECISION regardin’ a date wit’ MY DAUGHTER, you’ll do well to read these several times....a minute !!

..of EVERY HOUR !!

..of EVERY DAYUMMM DAY !!

..fo’ tha’ REST OF YA’ LIFE til’ I say otherwise !!

Read ‘em….write ‘em down….tape ‘em to tha’ backs of ya’ eyelids….memorize ‘em….recite and chant ‘em in several different languages even !!

”Daddy's Rules for Dating”
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”.

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in thedriveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine !!

Now adhere to these and we don’t have a problem….break ANY of these rules and we have more than a problem..
..we have a 911 phone call to be made !!

‘Nuff said..

Class Dismissed !!

Brooklyn Babe

2008-04-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

So this is how I spent my Saturday night....gettin ma Spring Bling on at the Amarachi Lounge in Brooklyn!

Happy Birthday Nelson(Flash).

Pity about the NYPD gettin all up in the mix, gotta feel the love though!!

Which brings me to another pet peeve, why is it, when black men congregate in the same place at the same time,those dammmmm testosterones get the better of them....as my Niiga friends would say "too much wahala"!!

Remembering Earth Day

2008-04-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

What have you done for your Earth today?!

Environmental responsibility is everyone’s responsibility. So this Earth Day, make protecting our planet an every day commitment, and together we can create a cleaner, healthier world.

.:. Administrator Stephen L. Johnson's Earth Day message

Photo curtesy of: Earth 2008 photo contest winner Richard Burkart "Enjoying the Environment".

Fleeting Moments

2008-03-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

precious moments of seduction
encounters of pure bliss
soul promises in whispers
forever beyond return

the taste of pure ecsatcy
lay await in magical dreams
yearning for that secret
only lovers dare to tell

random thoughts of desire
awaken thy being
reminding of possibilities
disguised in fates riddle

surrender to the calling
the rhythmn of the heart
seducing the unbeliever
now lost in its passion

© 2007-2008 islandDIVA

Missing You Little Brother

2008-03-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

It's been 7 years since my little brother said goodbye to us. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of him. A song, a joke, an expression on one of my childrens faces brings back memories. Somedays they are painful other days I smile and remember. Intricate little details embedded in clusters of events put together as footprints to remind me of how precious life really is.

I miss him, I miss him terribly......

So this is for you brother Elly, LOVE U!

Again I think of you
heart warm with memories.
I feel your absence
a silent void.
Consuming me slowly!

Humbly honored by your love
I remember like yesterday,
Childhood nostolgia
forever etched to my soul.
Why? You were too young to go!

My hero
the quite achiever.
Little brother,
from beginning to end
You were my inspiration.

Oh Yes! You are my angel!!
Pain and suffering
concealed with a smile.
A cross carried, without complaint
divine peace blessed within!

Your fate was sealed
yet you continued.
For us you continued
holding on unselfishly.
Family first, last and always!

Forever you are gone
I still feel your love.
Warming comfort
reminding me
We were two,now I am one

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Ramu Mine Protest

2008-01-30T12:38:00.000-08:00

I was really and truly irked after reading todays National newspaper report on the Ramu Mine Protest. Much respect to the landowners who forced a stop work on the Chinese developers.Why? Our Chinese 'guest', and I use that term loosely, think it's okay for dominance and discrimination. WHAT THE HECK!!! This is NOT a sweatshop in China and you will not violate our human rights.

To add more insult to injury, Mr Wang the mouth person of the Chinese Developers, indirectly told our people in a round about way that we are baboons, therefore, we are unfit to socialize in any capacity with his ignorant posse. Stop using the pretext of bloody "culture and eating habit" to seek approval of your blatant segregation and discrimination. YES, it's simply apartheid, surmised under the guise of a separate mess, accommodation and support facilities at the work sites. We are not fooled by your flaky explanations!!!

We cannot allow foreigners to come into our own country and treat us like second class citizens. They are our guests in Papua New Guinea and they need to assimilate to OUR CULTURE AND OUR EATING HABITS!!!!! How rude. We must have a zero tolerance policy on such matters if we must dissuade future insults by foreign corporations who want to benefit from our country BUT are not willing to give us the respect we deserve.

On the flip side, and also our greatest downfall is our "bureaucracy". Our politicians will gladly turn a blind eye for the right price. It's inevitable, we will always be subjected to bullsh!T coz our pollies are a bunch of dickheads.

source:
http://www.thenational.com.pg

¿Hablas español?

2008-01-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

Spanish 101.... ¿Hablas español? Say what?!

I'm taking Spanish this semester, what a sexy language! It just makes me wanna get up and do the Shakira 'Hips don't Lie' move. Who am I kidding though, I can't dance like Shakira and I sure as heck can't speak Spanish. Poor o'unco-ordinated me ! If I have any inklings of graduating this Spring I need to be proficient with español, yeah, that's what's up!! I can't understand why this language is so arduous for me, I swear..... I have had sleepless nights just thinking about it. But why?? For goodness sake I can conversate in 5 different languages (English, Japanese, Tok Pisin, Kuanua, Toaripi) and understand 1 (Melpa). So what is my problem?( says the pikinini that comes from a country that has over 800 different languages). The only reasonable explanation that I can give right now is I'm Not Feelin It! Ask me again at the end of May and see what plays out...maybe I'll get lucky!!!

B-Baby

2008-01-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

break dancing has once again resurfaced and seems to be da flava of the moment, just ask the boys on my block they can drop down and do the 6 step or the baby freeze like seasoned pros; and yes, i'm not ashamed to say that i too did my share of breaking back in the day. what can i say, blame it on to the influence of the movie triology break dance 1,2 & 3.

now, the only reason why i'm even remotely interested about break dancing today is coz my 20 month old son has taken a liking to it. yes, under the guidance of his two cousins and the boy next door they religiously break dance almost every other day. i must say i'm suprised and rather impressed with my l'il man's performance, the boy can break dance. fyi. he gets that from my side of the family, but don't tell his dad that!

so check it on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7TgsDMzS0Q "B-boy Sunday Part 1 of 3", my l'il shortee does his signature move ~ the 6 step.

i know, i know... i'm a proud mommy!!

PNG what are we doing about DEFORESTATION?

2008-01-19T09:43:00.000-08:00

"Humans are destroying a beautiful, living resource. Time is running out for the biodiversity of life that inhabits our planet and for our quality of life. We are dependent on the health of our planet and if it continues to decline, as it has done over the past century, then human health and wellbeing will decline as well. The window of opportunity for us to organise globally to create a sustainable society is open - but it is closing. The time to act is now!" `Information For Action

Deforestation in PNG

There are several direct and indirect effects of the loss of rainforest in PNG. Despite little study having been completed on this subject in PNG, studies in other areas of the world would suggest the problem is serious.Research shows that continued depletion of forests does lead to major climate change. Increasing Westernisation of our diverse culture through logging is one of the indirect effects of forest destruction.

Our Government's policy is that logging companies must employ PNGeans before recruiting non nationals. In practice, this does not usually happen and jobs often go to skilled immigrants rather than locals. This situation really needs to be addressed.

Land owners receive some money from the logging industry but they do not fully understand the environmental implications. Forestry is not sustainable; once an area is logged, the forest does not grow back quickly. Soil erosion degrades the land and it becomes useless for farming within a couple of years.

The Suggested Solution`

As with many environmental issues a major step is education. Recently an increase in NGOs lobbying against the destruction of rain forests have build projects such as:

Small-scale forestry
Training in sustainable forestry
Awareness patrols in remote areas.

Non-government organisations in Japan are also working to educate their people on the use of wood-derived products. As a major buyer of wood from PNG, these organisations are also very important.

Political support from other countries is needed to overcome the corrupt industry involving bribed officials and “blind” policing that is PNG’s logging economy. Groups need to come together to build long-term programmes and approaches to resource management.

For PNG's to live in an economy not reliant on logging, an infrastructure must be put in place to accommodate their needs for housing, clean water, food supply, waste disposal, health care and recreational facilities.

Some alternatives to logging as an industry are:

Eco-forestry

Tapa Cloth

Export of Traditional Craft works and Galip Nuts

Tourism- Papua New Guinea has possibilities as an ecotourism destination – hence the natural environment of our country must be preserved and not destroyed.

Preservation of PNG’s rain forests can only happen if money from logging is derived from other sources. These alternative industries will not wholly sustain the economy, and support in debt relief is essential from other governments, the IMF and World Bank.

source: http://www.informaction.org

Save Our Earth

2008-01-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

My Pledge for 2008 - To make a MORE conscious effort to be MORE proactive about environmental issues that affect the ability of the earth to nurture life in all its diversity. I love my earth and I will do my little part to;

1. End illegal and destructive logging of the world's ancient forests

2. Defend the world's oceans by working for global marine reserves

3. Continue to promote clean, efficient and renewable energy to help stop catastrophic climate change.

Having said that, on the HOME FRONT, Kudos to the Ecological Internet's protest that spared the Woodlark Island from Vitroplant's intended despoliation of the islands rain forest. Power to the People!

My wantoks, our natural resources are our legacy,we must not cheat our future generations out of a green environment. As a nation we must stand united and fight against the greed of the Corporate piranha's who feed of the natural resources of developing countries for mere pennies. Our Rainforest's are priceless don't be conned otherwise. We only have one earth lets save it TOGETHER!!

PRESS RELEASE: Woodlark Rainforests Spared for Now from Clearing for Oil Palm

Ecological Internet's international protest supporting local Papua New Guinea resistance blows the project out of the water

January 16, 2008
By Ecological Internet, Contact: Dr. Glen Barry, +1 (920) 776-1075, glenbarry@ecologicalinternet.org

(Woodlark, Papua New Guinea) -- Ecological Internet welcomes reports that Vitroplant, shady developer of a proposed oil palm project on Woodlark Island in Milne Bay, Papua New Guinea (PNG), has withdrawn. PNG's Minister for Agriculture and Livestock says no oil palm development will take place on Woodlark Island. Vitroplant's withdrawal was due to local and international pressure to conserve Woodlark Island's natural habitat.

The ill-conceived project was to have cleared 70% of the rainforests on biodiversity rich Woodlark Island, some 60,000 hectares, in order to establish a massive oil palm plantation. Following the direction of local peoples, Ecological Internet's Earth action network was able to generate nearly 50,000 protest emails from 3,000 people in 72 countries.

The protest embarrassed the PNG government and highlighted the hypocrisy of their support of carbon payments for avoided deforestation, even as Woodlark was approved for clearance, and a rogue rainforest timber export industry continues unhindered.

"We welcome reports that the Woodlark oil palm project is dead," states Ecological Internet's President Dr. Glen Barry. "Yet campaigning will continue until Woodlark is legally removed from consideration for agricultural deforestation, and the land is returned to its residents."

Ecological Internet's PNG rainforest campaign seeks legally binding assurances that palm oil and other biofuels will not be developed on currently forested lands, and the elimination of PNG's industrial log export industry. Only then will payments for rainforest protection be justified.

"The power of networks of informed Earth citizens to support local conservation action and an end to ancient rainforest logging has again been demonstrated. The forces of ecological destruction must be confronted and defeated," asserts Dr. Barry.

Why the Fight

2008-01-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

As a female, it never ceases to amaze me what some women will do to get a permanent VIP pass into a man's bed and life.Forget the fact that he's married,engaged or in- a- relationship. These are just trivial innuendos that market the product. Once, she decides that she wants your man, sister, there is no stopping her.

The "other woman" unlike you, is on a mission, she will put out the challenge and you will play despite your better judgement. She will test you emotionally and physically. Play cludos until you reach your max and decide that NO man is worth that much aggravation. She has nothing to lose. She is relentless in her pursuit and anyone caught in between her destructive path becomes yet another victim of a cheating partner.

So why does one become so ruthless and calculating? There are so many men out there, why the self inflicted drama?? What is the appeal with married and attached men???I just don't get it! Should logic not tell her that the likelyhood of her "trophey" remaining true only to her is a farce!! History has a tendency of repeating itself and guess what biotch, Karma awaits you.But, do you think she cares? HELL to the NO!!

Sadly, we know the outcome of these love equations; if she is successful then she'll take your man, his money and his cheating ways. (Maybe it's a good thing! Who needs an encore anyway!!) If she fails, she still wins, coz now you know what the future with him holds for you. The trust factor is lost forever and everything else is elementary.Fate will come to pass....

Product of the Immigrant Life

2007-12-19T14:49:00.000-08:00

Today as I was leaving a comment on one of my hi5 friends page I came across this poem called 'Immigrant Life' by Zion. It's a poignant piece that capitulates the struggle of an immigrant. Me, being the PNG pikinini that I am, immancipated in the rat race of first world surburbia, had to stop and relate.

As i read through every line i nodded in agreement. It portrays the struggle and the sacrifice of a true survivor.It's a personal feat, one which i'm confident that most foreigners who leave their motherland in search of a better life will have had the taste of this lemon on one level or another.

When you leave your country, family and culture you leave behind your comfortzone and you put yourself out there. Yes, all valunerable and insignificant, in a foreign maze, praying to find the right exit that will lead you to the whimsical door of opportunities. Be warned though, many a good people have tried and failed.

We all head out with big dreams and expectations but what really awaits us is reality. This reality, has no compassion or compromise. It is neither your friend nor foe. If you treat this 'brave new world' as if you were sleeping with the enemy, then you will have positioned yourself to second guess any potential issues. It's true what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

So, give the obstacles and challenges the respect they are due, after all, they ultimately will make or break your character. If you come out victories, with nothing but your dignity and pride, you have succeeded. The first part of your journey has come to pass.The rest will be history, laced with the honey sweet nector of living large.

"Immigrant Life"

by Zion
Farren life nuh easy
hear mi when mi seh
if yuh tink yuh caa stan it
stay whe yuh deh

Family always tell yuh
yuh can come an stay wid dem
but if yuh stay more dan two weeks
trust mi, is a big problem

yuh nuh always get work dat yuh want
caas it nuh suh easy fi find
suh yuh haffi tek whe yuh get
just mek up yuh mind

false Pride haffi drap
and sometimes yuh start over
yuh haffi know runnings
and sometimes duh tings under cover

I am not discouraging yuh
caas di world is one big gate
yuh can mek it anyweh
if yuh have yuh head on straight

2007, the year that is.....

2007-12-17T15:05:00.001-08:00


	as 2007 draws to a close I'm sitting here pondering about what this year has signified for me. on the onset, what immediately comes to mind is the pain and hurt of a love lost. how betrayal and deception brought me to the lowest point in my life and re-acquainted me with despair and loneliness. a cocktail of negative energies that drained me emotionally. NEVER AGAIN.... but as i look further into the 340+ days i smile. i can proudly attest to the joy and happiness of true friendship. it's a beautiful thing. when you meet certain people and they touch your life in a powerful way you can never be the same again. it doesn't matter who they are or where they come from it's a spiritual bond that time nor distance can shake. one of my many highlight of 2007 was having the opportunity to travel and see what the east coast of the US had to offer. i must say that this part of the country is beautiful, the flora and fauna unbelievable and the scenery breathtaking.it has been the adventure of a lifetime and i can't save fast enough to go and see the rest of the US. financially, i had a big savings dream but as usual the never ending expenses quickly dashed away any hopes of starting my nest egg. it just seems that when i finally put a little aside, something breaks, gets stolen or needs to be repaired. in addition, my family back home [PNG Represent] think i own a bank coz the amount of withdrawals i made from my account to give them was enough to feed a whole village in Darfur. but , I'm not bitter, whats the use of having if you cant give to others... besides it makes me happy. yep, so i 'm guessing I'll never be rich. all in all its been an eventful year full of drama, heartache and love. any delusions of grandeur that i may have had has unceremoniously been slapped out of me. its a good thing too, i was getting a little bit tired of me. once again all the positive life changing events have made the setbacks seem trivial. nevertheless, all have been saved in my memory bank just waiting for me to call upon. so as i think about 2008 i pray that i continue to be blessed and never for a minute be ungrateful for all that i have and will have. but importantly i give thanks to the almighty Creator because through him all things are possible. THE JOURNEY CONTINUES......

mE venting out

2007-11-20T15:02:00.000-08:00


	okey i'm really aggrevated...... today finds me at my wits end. i have been waiting for a certain someone to make good on a transaction that just does not seem to be forthcoming. i'm sooo tired of second guessing. its gotten old really quickly. it's not that i'm impatient, i think waiting one month without an outter qulifies me. what it comes down to is the persons lack of communication and yes, consideration. were you not present when we made the arrangement. dang. an email or text msg would suffice.i hate not knowing! it pisses me off. note to self: any requests for future transactions with this person will be cordially declined with a "HELL TO THE NO"!!!!!!

Momentary Lapse

2007-11-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

Mistaken identity?
I think not!
Your scheming ways have materialized
In the wisdom of my understanding.

Should you redeem yourself?
As weak as you seem,
I believe that true courage has not begotten you,
Alas, it lays abaiding in your fears.

Speak to me oh tired one!
You have found me at a vulnerable moment.
I will pause and listen to your ravings
From this,
I will let you be at my mercy!

Am I vindictive
Or heartless even?
Maybe!
Do you dare find out.....

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Standing

2007-11-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

disapproval
fingers pointed
standing too close to the edge.

scorn
whispering echoes
standing too close to the edge.

ignorance
eyes provoking
standing too close to the edge.

laughter
shattering silence
standing firm...defying the edge.

forgivness
falling biases
standing firm...defying the edge.

freedom
arms outstretched
embracing moments

LIVE.

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Wedding Nostolgia

2007-11-13T12:56:00.000-08:00


	so my boy Roberto had his wedding yesterday, like most Italian weddings this one was huge! he comes from a big family so there was close to 250 guests at the reception easy. i swear i haven't seen so many Italians in the same place at the same time... i so know how to speak Italian now!! his bride Kelli is of Irish decent so her part of the family were not as flamboyant as Rob's but nonetheless they equaled them in pride and generosity. the wedding was wonderful, the food exceptional and the drinks endless. they rocked the open bar...my appletinies and cosmopolitians were hot!!!! it was a good night, my peeps and i got our groove on and we killed the dance floor. p.s. to my g'bear Loui "it's raining men" was so all about you! so there it is... here's a toast to two beautiful people, two lives becoming one, a unity made in heaven... God bless always Roberto and Kelli.

My Pain

2007-11-12T12:51:00.000-08:00

i hung up the phone
how could you?
disbelief distorts my vision.
confusion cries!

the taste of betrayal
clearly defies my happiness.
it defines me
contentment disgraced!

picture perfect caricature
like puppet you moved me.
without a doubt i consented
succumbing, your control overwhelmed!

but now...it broke
my hypnotic trance shatters
like drops of realization
the fixation is over.

you lied
you smiled
you cheated
you smiled
you corrupted...but i let you!

NO MORE!

i hurt
pain laces every memory.
i can't breath!
because of you, i gave you power

forgive my trusting
forgive my ignorance
forgive my love.

NO MORE!

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Waiting

2007-11-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

Why do you make me wait
Am I not important.
Endless tears I have shed for you
Sleepless nights I have tossed and turned
Waiting.......

Can I have some reassurance
You speak
Your words are sweet as honey
But I must not be led
Bittersweet they become
When opposite sides we take.

Hold my hands for I am lost
Can't you see?
I'm reaching for you.

I want to smell your scent
Remind me.
But my memory fades
The reality of today is more eminant
Here without you
Waiting........

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

What is

2007-11-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

Dreamt about you again last night!
I reached across
You disappeared.

Now, I lay awake
Thinking.
Is it a sign
A trigger for worry?

Damn!
What possessed me.
I contemplated a situation
Way beyond my control.

Now,As sleep fails me
I reminise
About
What was
What is
and
What will be.

Imaginations runs wild
I must stop!
It plants deceitful thoughts
Teasing my mind.

Come a new day,
I breath in it's promises
The scent of endless possibilities.
Oh!...... I must close my eyes

And remember what is.

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Faith Shaken

2007-11-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

Have faith in me you say!
But I've lost sight
of the vision of happiness you painted so eloquantly!

Do you blame me?
Now, all I see is the sadness in their eyes
and the yearning of things that cannot be.

I hear the cry
but I must be strong!
My mask is slowly unrevealing.

How much longer must I endure?
A taste of poverty,
an education no less.

We have learnt
but we still do not understand.
It's too long!

A test of endurance
Who is the winner?
Victims of circumstance is what we are!

The race was lost even before it began.
STOP!!!!!!
Negativity flee!
Your confusing me.........

'Le Journey

2007-11-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

Can this emptiness I feel inside
be the beginning
and the end of a better tomorrow?

I turn around
looking for answers
but all I find are more questions!

Am I being selfish to believe that
my emotional, mental and physical needs have been neglected?
I wonder if you feel it too!

But as I scream inside
from the pain and the hurt
I cry to you but your not there!

Hello!
I thought we were in this together,
alas my spirit is broken once again!

Maybe I'm too needy
but how can that be,
if your not around to make that a possibility!

Now I must stay positive and focused
because it's not always going to be like this right?
Find me strength to stand strong and courage to go on!

Let this be the reason we celebrate
when we overcome adversity
to finally realize our DREAM!

LORD, only you can see me through this one.....

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Tribal Pride

2007-11-05T12:45:00.000-08:00

i wonder how one must feel if they are without culture? how do you identify with the rest of the populous who practice their traditions and embrace their unique cultures.do you feel or don't you?? i wonder!!

can you ever feel the pride that one has when they adorn their traditional dressing or partake in their traditional dancing... it's indescribable.the euphoria of belonging to a society that is bigger then you'll ever be; an eternal connection to your ancestry, what a rush!

when you practice the rites and rituals that have been passed down from fore-fathers to fore-mothers then you know why it's important to keep your culture alive; IT IS WHO YOU ARE!

world, when i mean culture, i mean rites of passages, customs and rituals. and No, culture does not equate to BBQs or cookouts!

to those brothers and sisters who have lost touch with their culture, please connect back to your rootz; stay true and strong, it is our bloodline, our strength and our power!

Confusion

2007-11-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

Is it possible that I misunderstood?
Frame by frame I analyse
I rationalize and I personalize

But abstract images
contort the significance.
Insecurity camoflages in envy.

It creeps to the stillness of my trust!
Burning a hole of doubt
in the fortress of my imagination.

You run
but the scent of disception betrays!
WHY????

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Hidden Truth

2007-11-01T12:29:00.000-07:00

Mistaken identity?
I think not!
Your scheming ways have materialized
in the wisdom of my understanding.

Should you redeem yourself?
As weak as you seem
I believe that true courage has not begotten you
alas, it lays abaiding in your fears.

Speak to me oh tired one!
You have found me at a valnurable moment
I will pause and listen to your ravings.
From this, I will let you be at my mercy!

Am I vindictive
or heartless even
Maybe!
Do you dare find out.......

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Trick"O"Treat

2007-10-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

Halloween is Here!..it's that time of the year again!!

Spooky, kooky, creepy, and fun! The time of Ghosts, Goblins, Gravestones and Graveyards. Of Spooks and Spirits and silly-fun tricks. Of Witches and Warlocks and Scary Black Cats. And Candy Corn, Jelly Apples, Pumpkins and Bats

Our little monsters have carved their pumpkins which now adorn our front porch in a multitude of scatter. Costumes have been chosen for tomorrow night. My li'l man will be celebrating his first "real" Halloween and he's dressing up as a pumpkin no less. The other big kids are an assortment of the grim ripper, batman, the friendly witch and the nerd kid.

Despite it being cold out, we are going trick"o"treating tomorrow night. Unfortunately, this is also the time when the dentists make their money.

Believe me, the amount of candy that these children will collect from trick"o"treating can and will last for a good two months. I know, I threw out at least 100 different types of candy that still remained from Halloween last year.

That's all I need, a bunch of hype children getting their candy on.....

my li'l man 'Lanre in his pumpkin costume

'Lanre and his cousin Sayo-Fanta the friendly witch

the trick'o'treaters- Shai, Ernie and 'Lanre

Despair

2007-10-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

My silent screams go unanswered,
my soul lays motionless
in the emptiness of my being.

An array of light
glimmers in the simmering darkness
but I am unmoved by it's beauty and radiance.

Awaken my spirits!
I need the taste of life
to feel the pain it promises.

The never ending
corruption to the mind
and the pointless motivations.

For what?
We are creatures of desire
born to the betrayals of a false awakening.

Let worldly appetites
be lost
as we prepare for a delusionary tomorrow...

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Despair

2007-09-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

My silent screams go unanswered,
my soul lays motionless
in the emptiness of my being.

An array of light glimmers
in the simmering darkness
but I am unmoved by it's beauty and radiance.

Awaken my spirits!

I need the taste of life
to feel the pain it promises.
The never ending corruption

To the mind
and the pointless motivations.
For what?

We are creatures of desire
born to the betrayals
of a false awakening.

Let worldly appetites
be lost
as we prepare for a delusionary tomorrow...

Journey Within

2007-08-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

how i yearn for knowledge!

chicago you inspire me to be more...
brother G, wantok
how can i ever thank you enough?

you aroused me senses
you provoked me thoughts
and you encouraged me to seek truth!
truth about me existence
who me am,
where me came from;
and the all important, where me am going!

so true,
where is it that me is going
in this labyrinth of deceit and destruction?

[note: "me" is collective for my people, my nation, my race]

i so need your vision
your curiosity
and your wisdom!
i admire you, i applaud you and i respect you.

you are a true leader,
you exemplify and practice your convictions
i want to be knowledgeable like you

please guide me in my thirst of self discovery

p.s. being a vegan for 10 days with you my Chicago wantoks allowed me to:
1. cleanse my system physically and
2. purify spiritually.

I am now READY for the journey!!!!

mad crazzzy birthday...

2007-06-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

my son has just celebrated his 1st birthday! what a night!! please tell me yo'll, why is it that everytime a black person has a party there is always drama?! geez, this party was no exception, we talking some serious biotch slapping...wait up! lets be real, them heffa's were fighting over a "mahn"! whatta lot of wasted energy; sistahs you gotta stop giving them power over you!!!

in addition, we also had a "let me see some I.D?." visit from the po-po, you know how we do!

Anyho, moving on........................

some background info on birthday boy:

my lil man is the centre of our universe and when i say "our" i mean his two attentive sisters who are forever at his beck and call and yours truely! unfortunately, lil man hasn't had the opportunity to meet his dad, who currently lives on the other side of the globe (an issue that we deal with every day.)

but i tell you what, he sure aint lacking attention, the never-ending kisses, the cuddles and the mega huge LOVE he recieves from everyone! yep...the boy is spoilt rotten!! what do you expect he lives in an all female household!
p.s. just the other day he was calling his (female) cousin "daddy"! what do you think about that? no gender issue there.

oh... and lil man can run his mouth, don't ask me what he's saying, i still haven't grasped the baby/grownup/english/pisin/creol/mandigo language that he speaks. as long as it makes perfect sense to him, then there's no need for me to go there!

fyi. the little bugger decides to crawl for the first time only 6 weeks shy of his birthday, believe me, we thought he would never do it, esp. since he's mastered the art of looking cute, so everyone tended to pick him up and often. so in layman terms: cuteness + pick up = no need to crawl.

in hindsight> we just wanted to hold on to the "baby" for a little bit longer.

2007-06-04T14:48:00.001-07:00

2007-06-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

2007-06-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

2007-06-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

2007-06-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

missing u!

2007-05-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

i miss home...i miss my family, the kaikai and i definately miss the lifestyle!

it's a bloody ninja race out here and i just can't seem to keep up! NO! maybe it's not that i can't keep up ... i just choose not to!!

fo real, i am in need of a li'l island splash and i'm about to get me some...wahooooo

i'm hating the way i see me rite now, it's time for a metamorphosis! this island pikinini don't wanna see negativity come n raze my focus.

i need to go and have a tropical affair...yu know how it is!

feelin down!

2007-04-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

everytime i feel down, this man just inspires me to navigate on autopilot until i set my course. kirk franklin is blessed with a talent that can slap you into a reality fix, he is intune with my confusion and self doubt, it's like he's talking to me and only me...i am so thankful to have found his muzik!

i was listening today to my life is in your hands this song refreshes my soul and my faith! i love it love it love it.

here it is!

You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always
For there's a friend named Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

So when your tests and trials
They seem to get you down
And all your friends and loved ones
Are nowhere to be found
Remember there's a friend named Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if you heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

munny dearest

2007-04-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

this is a shout out to the BIG MAN... i know you is got ma back! thanks for letting me borrow dem precious little angels if only for a minute! i promise to love them always ...no matter what mad crazzy state i'm in.

in my earthlyness may i add.... fruitful loins of my sweat you are the reason i toil in this labyrinth slumber, twisted in this damn forsaken void, i strive not for perfection but simply to preserve my ultimagic ego.... YOU, my legacy!

i kid you not world, my entire universe is dependent on their bestowing me if not but a little of their swit swit love. i crave the energy, the passion and the wisdom they unknowingly give. my einsteins, my tomorrow!

but destiny awaits! discoveries yet undiscovered, decisions in the making, lessons to be burnt, mistakes to massacre, dreams to weave, tears to share and yes oh yes, innocence to lose.

i embrace this moment and a shiver runs down my spine knowing that today will never be again. sadness interjects, i take yet another of dem mental photos and publish it in my inner most being. a gallary of memories, my constant campanions.

i have gracefully evolved into the queen of plainess and mistress of the $1 store. gone the days of my divaness materialistic sprees, cast aside jus as a li'l sumin sumin that munny dearest has gleedly and willingly forgone to be worthy of your choice of me, why me?!

i am under no pretext that i am but a mere nobody, there are far better choices, but it is i! now you belong to munny dearest and munny dearest belongs to you!

love you little ones till my heart stops singing and my coffee turns cold! forever n ever ever, ever ever. . .