Product of the Immigrant Life

Today as I was leaving a comment on one of my hi5 friends page I came across this poem called 'Immigrant Life' by Zion. It's a poignant piece that capitulates the struggle of an immigrant. Me, being the PNG pikinini that I am, immancipated in the rat race of first world surburbia, had to stop and relate.

As i read through every line i nodded in agreement. It portrays the struggle and the sacrifice of a true survivor.It's a personal feat, one which i'm confident that most foreigners who leave their motherland in search of a better life will have had the taste of this lemon on one level or another.

When you leave your country, family and culture you leave behind your comfortzone and you put yourself out there. Yes, all valunerable and insignificant, in a foreign maze, praying to find the right exit that will lead you to the whimsical door of opportunities. Be warned though, many a good people have tried and failed.

We all head out with big dreams and expectations but what really awaits us is reality. This reality, has no compassion or compromise. It is neither your friend nor foe. If you treat this 'brave new world' as if you were sleeping with the enemy, then you will have positioned yourself to second guess any potential issues. It's true what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

So, give the obstacles and challenges the respect they are due, after all, they ultimately will make or break your character. If you come out victories, with nothing but your dignity and pride, you have succeeded. The first part of your journey has come to pass.The rest will be history, laced with the honey sweet nector of living large.

"Immigrant Life"

by Zion
Farren life nuh easy
hear mi when mi seh
if yuh tink yuh caa stan it
stay whe yuh deh

Family always tell yuh
yuh can come an stay wid dem
but if yuh stay more dan two weeks
trust mi, is a big problem

yuh nuh always get work dat yuh want
caas it nuh suh easy fi find
suh yuh haffi tek whe yuh get
just mek up yuh mind

false Pride haffi drap
and sometimes yuh start over
yuh haffi know runnings
and sometimes duh tings under cover

I am not discouraging yuh
caas di world is one big gate
yuh can mek it anyweh
if yuh have yuh head on straight

2007, the year that is.....

as 2007 draws to a close I'm sitting here pondering about what this year has signified for me. on the onset, what immediately comes to mind is the pain and hurt of a love lost. how betrayal and deception brought me to the lowest point in my life and re-acquainted me with despair and loneliness. a cocktail of negative energies that drained me emotionally. NEVER AGAIN.... but as i look further into the 340+ days i smile. i can proudly attest to the joy and happiness of true friendship. it's a beautiful thing. when you meet certain people and they touch your life in a powerful way you can never be the same again. it doesn't matter who they are or where they come from it's a spiritual bond that time nor distance can shake. one of my many highlight of 2007 was having the opportunity to travel and see what the east coast of the US had to offer. i must say that this part of the country is beautiful, the flora and fauna unbelievable and the scenery breathtaking.it has been the adventure of a lifetime and i can't save fast enough to go and see the rest of the US. financially, i had a big savings dream but as usual the never ending expenses quickly dashed away any hopes of starting my nest egg. it just seems that when i finally put a little aside, something breaks, gets stolen or needs to be repaired. in addition, my family back home [PNG Represent] think i own a bank coz the amount of withdrawals i made from my account to give them was enough to feed a whole village in Darfur. but , I'm not bitter, whats the use of having if you cant give to others... besides it makes me happy. yep, so i 'm guessing I'll never be rich. all in all its been an eventful year full of drama, heartache and love. any delusions of grandeur that i may have had has unceremoniously been slapped out of me. its a good thing too, i was getting a little bit tired of me. once again all the positive life changing events have made the setbacks seem trivial. nevertheless, all have been saved in my memory bank just waiting for me to call upon. so as i think about 2008 i pray that i continue to be blessed and never for a minute be ungrateful for all that i have and will have. but importantly i give thanks to the almighty Creator because through him all things are possible. THE JOURNEY CONTINUES......

mE venting out

okey i'm really aggrevated...... today finds me at my wits end. i have been waiting for a certain someone to make good on a transaction that just does not seem to be forthcoming. i'm sooo tired of second guessing. its gotten old really quickly. it's not that i'm impatient, i think waiting one month without an outter qulifies me. what it comes down to is the persons lack of communication and yes, consideration. were you not present when we made the arrangement. dang. an email or text msg would suffice.i hate not knowing! it pisses me off. note to self: any requests for future transactions with this person will be cordially declined with a "HELL TO THE NO"!!!!!!

Momentary Lapse

Mistaken identity?
I think not!
Your scheming ways have materialized
In the wisdom of my understanding.

Should you redeem yourself?
As weak as you seem,
I believe that true courage has not begotten you,
Alas, it lays abaiding in your fears.

Speak to me oh tired one!
You have found me at a vulnerable moment.
I will pause and listen to your ravings
From this,
I will let you be at my mercy!

Am I vindictive
Or heartless even?
Maybe!
Do you dare find out.....


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Standing

disapproval
fingers pointed
standing too close to the edge.

scorn
whispering echoes
standing too close to the edge.

ignorance
eyes provoking
standing too close to the edge.

laughter
shattering silence
standing firm...defying the edge.

forgivness
falling biases
standing firm...defying the edge.

freedom
arms outstretched
embracing moments

LIVE.


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Wedding Nostolgia

so my boy Roberto had his wedding yesterday, like most Italian weddings this one was huge! he comes from a big family so there was close to 250 guests at the reception easy. i swear i haven't seen so many Italians in the same place at the same time... i so know how to speak Italian now!! his bride Kelli is of Irish decent so her part of the family were not as flamboyant as Rob's but nonetheless they equaled them in pride and generosity. the wedding was wonderful, the food exceptional and the drinks endless. they rocked the open bar...my appletinies and cosmopolitians were hot!!!! it was a good night, my peeps and i got our groove on and we killed the dance floor. p.s. to my g'bear Loui "it's raining men" was so all about you! so there it is... here's a toast to two beautiful people, two lives becoming one, a unity made in heaven... God bless always Roberto and Kelli.

My Pain

i hung up the phone
how could you?
disbelief distorts my vision.
confusion cries!

the taste of betrayal
clearly defies my happiness.
it defines me
contentment disgraced!

picture perfect caricature
like puppet you moved me.
without a doubt i consented
succumbing, your control overwhelmed!

but now...it broke
my hypnotic trance shatters
like drops of realization
the fixation is over.

you lied
you smiled
you cheated
you smiled
you corrupted...but i let you!

NO MORE!

i hurt
pain laces every memory.
i can't breath!
because of you, i gave you power

forgive my trusting
forgive my ignorance
forgive my love.

NO MORE!


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Waiting

Why do you make me wait
Am I not important.
Endless tears I have shed for you
Sleepless nights I have tossed and turned
Waiting.......

Can I have some reassurance
You speak
Your words are sweet as honey
But I must not be led
Bittersweet they become
When opposite sides we take.

Hold my hands for I am lost
Can't you see?
I'm reaching for you.

I want to smell your scent
Remind me.
But my memory fades
The reality of today is more eminant
Here without you
Waiting........


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

What is

Dreamt about you again last night!
I reached across
You disappeared.

Now, I lay awake
Thinking.
Is it a sign
A trigger for worry?

Damn!
What possessed me.
I contemplated a situation
Way beyond my control.

Now,As sleep fails me
I reminise
About
What was
What is
and
What will be.

Imaginations runs wild
I must stop!
It plants deceitful thoughts
Teasing my mind.

Come a new day,
I breath in it's promises
The scent of endless possibilities.
Oh!...... I must close my eyes

And remember what is.


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Faith Shaken

Have faith in me you say!
But I've lost sight
of the vision of happiness you painted so eloquantly!

Do you blame me?
Now, all I see is the sadness in their eyes
and the yearning of things that cannot be.

I hear the cry
but I must be strong!
My mask is slowly unrevealing.

How much longer must I endure?
A taste of poverty,
an education no less.

We have learnt
but we still do not understand.
It's too long!

A test of endurance
Who is the winner?
Victims of circumstance is what we are!

The race was lost even before it began.
STOP!!!!!!
Negativity flee!
Your confusing me.........

'Le Journey

Can this emptiness I feel inside
be the beginning
and the end of a better tomorrow?

I turn around
looking for answers
but all I find are more questions!

Am I being selfish to believe that
my emotional, mental and physical needs have been neglected?
I wonder if you feel it too!

But as I scream inside
from the pain and the hurt
I cry to you but your not there!

Hello!
I thought we were in this together,
alas my spirit is broken once again!

Maybe I'm too needy
but how can that be,
if your not around to make that a possibility!

Now I must stay positive and focused
because it's not always going to be like this right?
Find me strength to stand strong and courage to go on!

Let this be the reason we celebrate
when we overcome adversity
to finally realize our DREAM!

LORD, only you can see me through this one.....

© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Tribal Pride

i wonder how one must feel if they are without culture? how do you identify with the rest of the populous who practice their traditions and embrace their unique cultures.do you feel or don't you?? i wonder!!

can you ever feel the pride that one has when they adorn their traditional dressing or partake in their traditional dancing... it's indescribable.the euphoria of belonging to a society that is bigger then you'll ever be; an eternal connection to your ancestry, what a rush!

when you practice the rites and rituals that have been passed down from fore-fathers to fore-mothers then you know why it's important to keep your culture alive; IT IS WHO YOU ARE!

world, when i mean culture, i mean rites of passages, customs and rituals. and No, culture does not equate to BBQs or cookouts!

to those brothers and sisters who have lost touch with their culture, please connect back to your rootz; stay true and strong, it is our bloodline, our strength and our power!

Confusion

Is it possible that I misunderstood?
Frame by frame I analyse
I rationalize and I personalize

But abstract images
contort the significance.
Insecurity camoflages in envy.

It creeps to the stillness of my trust!
Burning a hole of doubt
in the fortress of my imagination.

You run
but the scent of disception betrays!
WHY????


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Hidden Truth

Mistaken identity?
I think not!
Your scheming ways have materialized
in the wisdom of my understanding.

Should you redeem yourself?
As weak as you seem
I believe that true courage has not begotten you
alas, it lays abaiding in your fears.

Speak to me oh tired one!
You have found me at a valnurable moment
I will pause and listen to your ravings.
From this, I will let you be at my mercy!

Am I vindictive
or heartless even
Maybe!
Do you dare find out.......


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Trick"O"Treat

Halloween is Here!..it's that time of the year again!!

Spooky, kooky, creepy, and fun! The time of Ghosts, Goblins, Gravestones and Graveyards. Of Spooks and Spirits and silly-fun tricks. Of Witches and Warlocks and Scary Black Cats. And Candy Corn, Jelly Apples, Pumpkins and Bats

Our little monsters have carved their pumpkins which now adorn our front porch in a multitude of scatter. Costumes have been chosen for tomorrow night. My li'l man will be celebrating his first "real" Halloween and he's dressing up as a pumpkin no less. The other big kids are an assortment of the grim ripper, batman, the friendly witch and the nerd kid.

Despite it being cold out, we are going trick"o"treating tomorrow night. Unfortunately, this is also the time when the dentists make their money.

Believe me, the amount of candy that these children will collect from trick"o"treating can and will last for a good two months. I know, I threw out at least 100 different types of candy that still remained from Halloween last year.

That's all I need, a bunch of hype children getting their candy on.....



my li'l man 'Lanre in his pumpkin costume


'Lanre and his cousin Sayo-Fanta the friendly witch


the trick'o'treaters- Shai, Ernie and 'Lanre

Despair

My silent screams go unanswered,
my soul lays motionless
in the emptiness of my being.

An array of light
glimmers in the simmering darkness
but I am unmoved by it's beauty and radiance.

Awaken my spirits!
I need the taste of life
to feel the pain it promises.

The never ending
corruption to the mind
and the pointless motivations.

For what?
We are creatures of desire
born to the betrayals of a false awakening.

Let worldly appetites
be lost
as we prepare for a delusionary tomorrow...


© 2003-2008 islandDIVA

Despair

My silent screams go unanswered,
my soul lays motionless
in the emptiness of my being.

An array of light glimmers
in the simmering darkness
but I am unmoved by it's beauty and radiance.

Awaken my spirits!

I need the taste of life
to feel the pain it promises.
The never ending corruption

To the mind
and the pointless motivations.
For what?

We are creatures of desire
born to the betrayals
of a false awakening.

Let worldly appetites
be lost
as we prepare for a delusionary tomorrow...

Journey Within

how i yearn for knowledge!

chicago you inspire me to be more...
brother G, wantok
how can i ever thank you enough?

you aroused me senses
you provoked me thoughts
and you encouraged me to seek truth!
truth about me existence
who me am,
where me came from;
and the all important, where me am going!

so true,
where is it that me is going
in this labyrinth of deceit and destruction?

[note: "me" is collective for my people, my nation, my race]

i so need your vision
your curiosity
and your wisdom!
i admire you, i applaud you and i respect you.

you are a true leader,
you exemplify and practice your convictions
i want to be knowledgeable like you

please guide me in my thirst of self discovery

p.s. being a vegan for 10 days with you my Chicago wantoks allowed me to:
1. cleanse my system physically and
2. purify spiritually.

I am now READY for the journey!!!!

mad crazzzy birthday...

my son has just celebrated his 1st birthday! what a night!! please tell me yo'll, why is it that everytime a black person has a party there is always drama?! geez, this party was no exception, we talking some serious biotch slapping...wait up! lets be real, them heffa's were fighting over a "mahn"! whatta lot of wasted energy; sistahs you gotta stop giving them power over you!!!

in addition, we also had a "let me see some I.D?." visit from the po-po, you know how we do!

Anyho, moving on........................

some background info on birthday boy:

my lil man is the centre of our universe and when i say "our" i mean his two attentive sisters who are forever at his beck and call and yours truely! unfortunately, lil man hasn't had the opportunity to meet his dad, who currently lives on the other side of the globe (an issue that we deal with every day.)

but i tell you what, he sure aint lacking attention, the never-ending kisses, the cuddles and the mega huge LOVE he recieves from everyone! yep...the boy is spoilt rotten!! what do you expect he lives in an all female household!
p.s. just the other day he was calling his (female) cousin "daddy"! what do you think about that? no gender issue there.

oh... and lil man can run his mouth, don't ask me what he's saying, i still haven't grasped the baby/grownup/english/pisin/creol/mandigo language that he speaks. as long as it makes perfect sense to him, then there's no need for me to go there!

fyi. the little bugger decides to crawl for the first time only 6 weeks shy of his birthday, believe me, we thought he would never do it, esp. since he's mastered the art of looking cute, so everyone tended to pick him up and often. so in layman terms: cuteness + pick up = no need to crawl.

in hindsight> we just wanted to hold on to the "baby" for a little bit longer.

missing u!

i miss home...i miss my family, the kaikai and i definately miss the lifestyle!

it's a bloody ninja race out here and i just can't seem to keep up! NO! maybe it's not that i can't keep up ... i just choose not to!!

fo real, i am in need of a li'l island splash and i'm about to get me some...wahooooo

i'm hating the way i see me rite now, it's time for a metamorphosis! this island pikinini don't wanna see negativity come n raze my focus.

i need to go and have a tropical affair...yu know how it is!

feelin down!

everytime i feel down, this man just inspires me to navigate on autopilot until i set my course. kirk franklin is blessed with a talent that can slap you into a reality fix, he is intune with my confusion and self doubt, it's like he's talking to me and only me...i am so thankful to have found his muzik!

i was listening today to my life is in your hands this song refreshes my soul and my faith! i love it love it love it.

here it is!

You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always
For there's a friend named Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

So when your tests and trials
They seem to get you down
And all your friends and loved ones
Are nowhere to be found
Remember there's a friend named Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if you heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

munny dearest

this is a shout out to the BIG MAN... i know you is got ma back! thanks for letting me borrow dem precious little angels if only for a minute! i promise to love them always ...no matter what mad crazzy state i'm in.

in my earthlyness may i add.... fruitful loins of my sweat you are the reason i toil in this labyrinth slumber, twisted in this damn forsaken void, i strive not for perfection but simply to preserve my ultimagic ego.... YOU, my legacy!

i kid you not world, my entire universe is dependent on their bestowing me if not but a little of their swit swit love. i crave the energy, the passion and the wisdom they unknowingly give. my einsteins, my tomorrow!

but destiny awaits! discoveries yet undiscovered, decisions in the making, lessons to be burnt, mistakes to massacre, dreams to weave, tears to share and yes oh yes, innocence to lose.

i embrace this moment and a shiver runs down my spine knowing that today will never be again. sadness interjects, i take yet another of dem mental photos and publish it in my inner most being. a gallary of memories, my constant campanions.

i have gracefully evolved into the queen of plainess and mistress of the $1 store. gone the days of my divaness materialistic sprees, cast aside jus as a li'l sumin sumin that munny dearest has gleedly and willingly forgone to be worthy of your choice of me, why me?!

i am under no pretext that i am but a mere nobody, there are far better choices, but it is i! now you belong to munny dearest and munny dearest belongs to you!

love you little ones till my heart stops singing and my coffee turns cold! forever n ever ever, ever ever. . .